What stops us from losing it?


Paradise In South Wales – Where I feel at home & go to chill!

Recently whilst watching an episode of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, I heard the following said:

‘Don’t wonder why people go crazy, wonder why the don’t! In the space of all we can lose in a day, in an hour. Wonder what it is that makes us hold it together’

I thought this was very profound at the time, so much so that it is now quoted on my Facebook page and my twitter page. It also illustrated my life at the time, and still does!

In the past year I’ve had what many people would call an awful year (I can’t spell the latin phrase and won’t even try! That’s for royalty!). As an unemployed accountant, I’ve been hunting and failing to find a permanent position. I’ve had a few contract jobs, very useful when you have to pay the bills, but not a sniff of the permanent role that I’ve been seeking since the end of 2007 when I was made redundant from my last one.

In the space of a few days in June, my Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my wife left me due to the pressures of life, hers, mine and ours! I had reached rock bottom and carried on digging!

A well meaning friend told me ‘God only sets us challenges that he thinks we are capable of handling’. If this is true, then God, enough already! I think I’ve been tested too much now!

Someone said ‘Cheer up, things could be worse!’ So I did cheer up, and guess what, things did get worse! Why on Earth do people say these things? I know they’re trying to help, but please engage the brain before commenting!

I’m still unemployed! My wife, the Love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend & person whom I miss & care for the most, is 154 miles away, not well, and I can’t take care of her! My ex won’t let me see my children as often because my wife isn’t present. I have minimal income from job seekers allowance, which makes life’s little expenses, like food, hard to afford, and I have debts no honest man can pay (thanks Bruce for that last bit from ‘Atlantic City’)! I also just spent Christmas and New Year away from the woman I Love, Cherish and need, for the first time in 6 years, and it was hell!

In the face of all I’ve written above, what on Earth is it that makes me hold it together? Answers on a postcard please, because I have absolutely no idea!

As I look forward to 2011 I have to do so with optimism, as being pessimistic doesn’t help. My Mum has had a masectomy and is recovering from breast cancer. I’m talking to my wife, a slow process, but I’m willing to wait until the end of time if I have to, as she’s worth the wait, and (touch wood) I have my health and none of the bugs that everyone else is getting right now!

If you see me, if you want to help & cheer me up, don’t say, ‘things will get better’, ‘God is testing you’, ‘you’ll be ok, you’re strong & you always bounce back’ or ‘if it doesn’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger’! I will scream! If you’re a recruitment consultant don’t say ‘I understand what you’re going through’, because you don’t, as you have a job! If you want to be useful, help me get a job, help my wife realise how special she is to me, or tell me how I’m managing to hold it all together! If you can’t do that, just have a chat, anything will do, even how well Spurs and Wasps are doing!

Here’s to 2011, whatever it may throw at us, and the strength to ‘Manage to hold it together’!

ifrscounts x

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